you ask, sneh answers: how to collab with cool people building cool things

hi lil bees! HAPPY ELECTION DAY! 🇺🇸 If you have the power to vote, I urge you to exercise your constitutional right and say thank you to the poll workers 💛 

• Afraid you don’t have time to vote? Here is a guide to which states provide paid time off.

• Don’t forget to flip the ballot! There are state-specific ballot measures you can vote on. Here’s a great resource to summarize per-state ballot measures!

Table of Contents

• what’s going on in sneh’s world

• what’s my philosophy around collaboration

  • I had to first ask myself, what am I trying to bui …

• when I started reaching out to collaborators and w …

• around courage and confidence to reach out

• closing thoughts

what’s going on in sneh’s world

• Half marathon training: FIRST, CONGRATS TO THE NYC MARATHONERS!!! I’m less than a week ago, I’m so excited and nervous I might poo my pants.

• Reading: I mentioned last week I’m reading Kyla Scanlon’s In This Economy. A good friend of mine is also reading it, and here’s a notable quote he sent me that makes me guffaw and think at the same time: “In a room full of people, you might have an easier time talking about bowel movements than feelings about money.” I endorse this statement, that’s what we’re here for 😉 

• Volunteering: I volunteer with a wonderful non-profit called IndyKids, a current events and social justice news source produced by kids, for kids. These kids are such a powerful reminder of the imagination, passion, and power our next generation has in shaping our world. It gives me a lot of hope 🙂 

• We’re expanding! Introducing Celina Selvathambi, the newest lil bee joining our marketing team! She’s going to help all things marketing, branding, and content, and EEP I’m so excited 💛 

After last week’s piece, one of you lil bees reached out with a “buzz request” 🥰 

First of all, such a clear layout of questions; thank you lil 🐝 I’m going to answer each question with a TL;DR and a long-form response. Read as you please!

what’s my philosophy around collaboration

TL;DR: Continuously iterate to determine what you want to build, then find folks who align with different spokes of that vision.

I had to first ask myself, what am I trying to build?

When I first started my newsletter, my ultimate goal was to share thought pieces around leading our lives with empathy. I’m a strong believer that our small actions can amount to a more equitable world.

But as I began writing, I realized how many of my thought pieces revolved around my relationship with money. My inability to take vacation days. How my dad thought me money isn’t bad. My relationship with femininity. And it clicked. So many people I know carry narratives around money. Things like, money is boring. Money is intimidating. Money is just saving and investing. Why do we say money is logical and rational and common sense, yet money is one of the most emotionally charged topics in the room, alongside politics and religion?

Moreover, how come I never found it boring? In fact, I’ve always been obsessed with the emotions people have around this transactional object. This is a space that feels like play to me. And I wanted to play all day long.

I knew then that between the buzz would become my personal mission to understand the psychology of money. I don’t want money to be gate-kept from anyone, especially women, Gen-Z, and children of immigrants. No room for financial jargon and shame here!

So to answer the question of what I’m trying to build: a space where money and emotions can co-exist.

Being able to fine-tune my intent really helped me determine who I want to collaborate with, who aligns with the values of the change I’m trying to build in this world.

So what are some of those personas?

• You believe in gender equity. Women’s rights. Fighting climate change. Speaking up on economic injustice.

• You are an entrepreneur. A freelancer. A creator. Someone who is trying to build the change you want to see in this world.

• You have a money story (whether or not you believe it, that’s everyone :-))

when I started reaching out to collaborators and why

TL;DR: Wanted to reach out - yesterday. Actually reached out - when I honed in on my vision and primed myself with hearing no.

I wanted to start reaching out the moment I got started in June, even before I refined between the buzz to diving into the psychology of money. This created a large list of people. BTW, not a bad problem to have. That just means there’s so many cool folks in this world working on dope stuff!

Two broad categories of humans naturally emerged. Cool people I currently know and hold near and dear to my heart, and cool people I want to know because they’re creating amazing things in this world.

However, before I reached out to anyone, I wrote a few pieces of my own. Not only did I want to have pieces ready to show potential collaborators, but also I knew writing would allow me to identify and hone in on my vision.

I needed to be clear on what I wanted from my writers, and therefore, what I wanted from between the buzz. 

Once I knew that, I began reaching out to my circle of humans. Friends who have expressed their writing dreams to me. Friends who are passionate about women’s rights and equal partnerships. Friends who deeply believe in building out the change they want to see in this world.

Now, this is where it gets a bit more interesting. Remember I said I wanted to start reaching out in June for collaborators? Well, I did and I reached outside of my network. I reached out to maybe five people in the span of three months, all concentrated to the first two weeks of June. All of them either did not respond or said it wasn’t a good match.

Hearing no is hard, especially when you attach your worth to rejection and voids of silence. It can make you feel like you’re building out an idea people don’t resonate with. I won’t lie and say I took hearing no like a champion, I’ve most definitely had cuter days. Questions flood my brain: is this stress worth it? Am I even saying anything of worth? Should I give up?

Funnily enough, I released a lot of these intrusive thoughts after my friends asked me a pointed question: Sneha, would you delay the release of one of your newsletters to prioritize dating?

My instinctual response was hell no. Despite the really low lows, I knew there was something here. Even if I couldn’t put content out or reach out to people for collaborating, the bare minimum was to release my newsletter each week (which might I add, is still really hard. Being able to write revolutionary pieces really cannot be time-boxed into a weekly cadence. Creativity is about free-flowing spirit, but another day to talk about that).

That was a turning point for me to just say f*** it. Why am I pulling myself out of the game before the game has even begun? Why am I becoming my worst enemy I be my worst enemy when there are others around me who will say no to me?  

So new goal. Everyday, I should reach out to one person. If they respond, great. I’m connecting with real people. If not, I’m allowed to sulk for five minutes but then time to bounce back. Because I remember your original “why”: meet and work with cool people who build dope stuff. 

How this looks in practice today:

• Make a list of every single person I want to collaborate with.

• Reach out.

• Be direct.

• Don’t make it transactional. We’re real people who are here to connect.

• Refine my messaging if something’s not sticking.

• And most importantly, just keep swimming.

Funnily enough, changing my mindset to just “go for it” has done wonders for me in just the last two weeks. I’m meeting with five founders, creatives, and authors just in these next two weeks.

around courage and confidence to reach out

warning, it’s about to get real

TL;DR: Courage and confidence is not built overnight, but it can be practiced by every single person.

This is honestly my favorite part of the question, as someone who has struggled from feeling like an imposter her whole life. Confidence and conviction were only emotions I began to even remotely feel this year.

Let’s be clear, those traits were never inherent to me; rather, I’ve been building those muscles since the beginning of my adult life, aka in NYC. The Big Apple. The city where you anything you dream is possible. A clean slate.

I didn’t realize that the last three years have been quite literally that for me. I first moved to the city and realized the first thing I needed was to recover. I know, funny because I moved to the most hustling and bustling city. But it’s true, I was actually alone for the first time. To begin healing from a heartbreak. To recognize how burnt out I was from my education. To realize I needed to rediscover my sense of self after years of feeling like I lived in people’s shadows.

The first year of living in NY was just that. I lived in a city where all of my college friends lived, and said no to most social plans. I spent many Saturdays on my living room couch watching Stranger Things or frequenting McNallys in Soho. While it was lonely, it was quite cathartic. I had the free will to do as I pleased and no one could stop me.

I started feeling a sense of stability. I can cook most of my meals and eat healthy, not just survive off an iced coffee and chipotle everyday. I can attend spin classes, not go to the gym once every semester. I can spend an entire day reading books, not constantly wired to get the next assignment done. Glorious.

Nevertheless, there was a looming pit stirring at the back of my throat. I felt empty. I had everything I craved since I was 10: I could take care of myself — financially, physically, and emotionally. I’ve never liked feeling like a burden to others. But then where was this vacuum coming from? Because I had become what I call, a lazy ambitious person. Despite the stability, I wanted to see certain change in the world and I wasn’t seeing it. One thing I’ll say is that if you care, that never really leaves you. But I felt like I wasn’t doing anything about it.

So I did one thing I had control over: try. Funny story, I interviewed fifteen of my friends (hi if this is one of you :)) around their relationships with money a year ago. After trying a multitude of things, I came full circle back to the same idea. And I feel invigorated again. I’m relentless to change the conversation around money, and I know I’m just getting started. With that, I hope that the second version of “cycle of repair” looks like this.

Being brave and confident ≠ lack of fear. It just means that you accept your fear and you do it anyways. I’ve now reached the point where the purpose I’m solving for in this stage of life actually trumps my lack of confidence and courage.

closing thoughts

I just want to acknowledge that I’m still learning. I’m on my sixth month of building out between the buzz and know I've only touched the iceberg. But even then, I hope this provides some context into how I’ve been building for the last six months, and maybe inspire one of you who feel like you may lack the courage or confidence to do so. Those words are overrated, what’s cool is just caring and trying 🙂 

• 💭 what change do you want to see in this world? you’re encouraged to respond as delulu as you want.

• and generally,

  • 💭 what do you like most about the between the buzz newsletter? have you been enjoying the women & money series?

  • 💭 what are topics you want to hear more about from me?

For my newsletter subscribers, reply to this email to let me know what you think. Otherwise, send a personal response to [email protected], or add a comment 👇️ 

If you enjoyed reading this, help me spread the word & share with your friends and family :)

until the next 🐝 , and with 💛 ,

Sneha