A friendly reminder on your vacation time

Nice, yet another email about my vacation hours. I’m not going to lie, there’s a deep satisfaction knowing I have 300 hours off. Not because I’ll immediately book a 5 week vacation to the Dolomites, but because I feel a sense of richness.

There are layers to justifying keeping my vacation day count high. Let’s peel the onion.

First and foremost: I’m a hard worker. The idea of taking breaks was a foreign concept to me. Before beginning my full-time job, I remember my last true break was the summer before middle school, when vacation consisted of reading the Magic Treehouse series, biking around my neighborhood acting as a spy, and laying on my bed pondering aimlessly about my future self. Even though I had weekends, holidays, and summers “off”, they never felt like real breaks per-se. I spent most breaks finishing longer-form assignments or getting ahead on later topics, making time for studying for exams and playing tennis during the actual quarter. In reality, I should’ve used those periods as time to recharge during already strenuous semesters. Could I have taken more intentional, smaller breaks, maybe by taking off one day of the weekend or even going to the gym for an hour? Of course, but I didn’t think I could afford the time. Which leads me to the second layer.

I’m not lazy or weak. I’ve been in survival mode since I was 10, around when the 2008 financial crisis hit. I never saw my parents take a break. Instead, I saw them work tirelessly to provide my sister and me with such a fruitful life. I wanted to attend elite tennis camps to learn from the best coaches and make varsity with my killer forehand? Done, the fee was paid and I spent everyday after school at the courts. I wanted to volunteer at the soup kitchen in Trenton and wrap gifts with United Way the following day? Done, my mom would adventure with me everyday around all corners of New Jersey. I wanted to wake up just 15 minutes later to make up for the four hours of sleep I got every night? Again, done. My dad would wake up and drop me off every morning, even when I acted like a cranky, groggy bi*** (mind you, he was also only sleeping four hours). That too, without a single question. In an environment where selflessness is paramount and complaints are absent, it never crossed my mind that taking a break was an option.

And with all of that, I’m extremely blessed. My parents came to this country and did everything and more so that I could have life’s best gifts: freedom and autonomy. I come from a lot of privilege. I received a world-class education. I work at an institution with infrastructure and scale. I have the most nourishing relationships with my family and friends. I grew up in a beautiful, cozy home (not house) with meals at the table every single day, no ifs, ands, or buts. There are kids who are lucky to have an education past primary school. This really may sound like a stretch, but my rationale for so long has been how can I take off knowing how much I have at my disposal, largely because of the hard work of my loved ones?

And finally, the best of all, let’s talk about Murphy’s law.

This law is a double-edged sword, helpful for those who need to practice more caution in their lives. Not great for an individual who already operates under fear. Having vacation days provides me with comfort of taking off for any major life events, like a parent getting sick. In other words, I am a catastrophic thinker.

Maxing out vacation hours is just one of the many ways a scarcity mindset can materialize in our lives. People traditionally associate scarcity with low-income households, but you don’t need to come from little money to feel scarcity; it’s a mindset. You can come from an upper middle class household, and if the tone of money was fear, insecurity, and a lack of trust, you will never feel like there is enough in the world for everyone.

Scarcity mindset is defined as a chronic pattern of thinking that focuses on what you don’t have and the underlying belief that you will never have enough, whether it be time, money, or resources. In addition to saving vacation time, this can take shape as:

• You find it hard to share: you may feel you only have a few things that you take good care of, and you don’t want someone to damage your possessions.

• You find it difficult to celebrate your loved one’s success: You know your friend’s success should make you feel happy, but you can’t ignore this nagging feeling of why they’ve found their success and you have not.

• You make a sufficient income but never feel like it’s enough.

• You practice toxic gratitude: you feel shame for feeling an emotion, and feel grateful you have anything to begin with

• You find it difficult to say no and end up overfilling your days and weekends, also known as “productivity”

• You find it difficult to dream of a bigger life for yourself.

Is scarcity thinking necessarily bad?

I don’t love classifying anything as good or bad. It’s up for debate whether this is a good or bad quality (touché sneh 😉) , but I’m able to find the silver lining for most things in my life. And if you can identify with any of the traits above, I’m not saying these things to rag on you or myself. In fact, here are a few ways I’ve found this mentality beneficial:

• As someone who cares about this planet, my mindset allows me to enjoy the little things in this life. I don’t need as much as I think and for the few possessions I do have, I take very good care of them.

• I am intentional with my own and others’ time and money.

But with most things in life, the line between scarcity thinking serving you can and inhibiting you can be a blurry line because it makes you feel like life is a zero-sum game.

Abundance as a mindset

My dad always told me, giving is a mentality: it doesn’t matter how much you have in the bank account. There are people who wait to have 1 million in the bank account before helping their communities, and then keep increasing that number from 5 million, to 10 million, always seeking more but never giving back. There are others who may have a few hundreds and don’t hesitate to give a few dollars to the candy vendors on the subway or drop off hand-warmers to the homeless during the dead cold of winter. 

These thoughts of enjoying the little things in life, giving back to the community, and being intentional can all peacefully co-exist. Introducing the opposite of scarcity mindset: an abundance mindset, where there really is enough for everyone. When you see the world through a lens of abundance, you allow yourself to heal. You enter the community with a less frugal hand, and giving back brings you possibilities you couldn’t imagine (whether or not you believe in karma). In this type of world, your success can create your friend’s success, not take away from it; there are enough seats at the table. If available through the job, you can peacefully take vacation and recharge before getting back on your feet. And most importantly, your relationships are no longer transactional but transformational. 

Is abundance wasteful?

Some of you may ask, aren’t some resources actually scarce? Isn’t the abundance mindset what has led to fast fashion and rampant consumerism? No because abundance ≠ wastefulness. A true abundance mindset allows us to develop a connection to the species around us, whether it be humans, animals, plants or anything that flourishes on Mother Earth. And it certainly includes leading with empathy or intentionality.

sneak peak at thursday’s newsletter

Things I’ve personally been doing to shift from a scarcity to abundance mindset with empathy and intentionality.

Not that any of you were curious, but I recently took a five-day vacation 🤪 

until the next 🐝 , & with 💛 ,

Sneha