[Cent #6] let's be gutsy women

happy thursday lil bees!!! hope you are all having a wonderful week. Before we get into cent 6 / 25, can we acknowledge and admire this ENGRAVED PEN MY BESTIE SNEHA GOT ME 😭😭😭 Yes, we share the same name; it always makes for a fun intro when we meet new people together.

Anyways, let’s get into cent #6: let’s be gutsy women.

storytime…

This past week, I listened to this episode on People I (mostly) admire, where the guest was Caroline Paul.

For those of you who don’t know her, she is a real-life woman of derring-do. She has exhilarating stories, from flying planes to surfing in cold winters alongside a majority of men to walking on the wing of a plane... what’s her backstory?

Growing up, she was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records. Guess what? She was once a young scaredy-cat, and she had no skills. But she was determined to set some world record. She thought to herself, huh, what world record could I set?

Crawling. Yes, crawling on the ground. No, she didn’t end up getting that record, but she doesn’t see it as a failure today. Why? As a young, malleable teen, she was:

• Pushing outside of her comfort zone

• Calling upon her resilience

• Sourcing confidence in herself and her decisions

No this is not failure to her, these are attributes of bravery.

After graduating from Stanford in journalism, she originally wanted to write about the rampant sexism present in the San Francisco Fire Department. Little did she know she would instead be the fifteenth women firefighter to be hired by the department, working most of her career on the search and rescue team. (I know, plot twist.)

But the challenges only just began; she knew she had to prove her strength and fitness. One day, Caroline and her fellow firefighter Skip were caught in a typical sort of fire. It was smoky and hot, and all of sudden, Skip and Caroline were blown backwards. As a firefighter was supposed to do, she groped for the nozzle, lunged forward, opened up the water, and tackled the fire herself.

Skip, who Caroline describes as just a really nice and great firefighter, commended her, but with a surprised tone. He was shocked by Caroline’s bravery. “Caroline, aren’t you scared?” She never heard a male fire fighter hear this.

Girls are always told: be careful, watch out, or no. Caroline saw her parent friends do this all the time. She didn’t think these friends were bad parents; they were just doing what most parents do: cautioning their daughters much more than they do with their sons.

Don’t believe it? Let’s look at a study from The Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, ironically done on a playground fire pole.

Little girls were very likely to be warned about the risks of playing on the fire pole. If she wanted to still play, a parent was very likely to assist. On the flip, little boys were actually encouraged to play on the fire pole.

What message does this send? Girls are fragile and are of need of help. Boys should master difficult tasks on their own. Girls should be fearful, boys should be gutsy. Don’t underestimate kids; they pick up on subliminal messaging at very early ages. For example, a recent study suggests the roots of poor body image and an unhealthy focus on appearance start as young as age 3 for many girls.

We are raising girls to be timid, even helpless. We can see it in our hesitation in speaking out. Our people pleasing. Our ability to shut down to our very strong intuition.

You may be wondering, Sneha how does this relate to us and our relationships with money?

Well, that fear is a big part of what holds us back from thinking about money! I’m sorry if this sounds repetitive from my past articles, but this just makes me realize how true this is: we as women are socialized to fear money. To avoid talking about. To avoid trusting our intuition. To feel financial shame.

Let’s be clear, fear is not bad; it keeps safe. In fact, risk aversion is a big factor as to why women investors out-perform men investors; we’re on average more meticulous in our decision-making. But fear as a primary reaction any time we experience something outside of our comfort zone just holds us back. Ever heard of growth mindset by Caroline Dweck? Or understand the mechanics behind how muscles grow? Growth occurs through enduring volatility and distress. Just as you build muscle by breaking down your muscles in the gym, systems will improve by being exposed to difficulties.

Caroline's journey from a scaredy-cat to a fearless firefighter mirrors the journey many women can undertake in our financial lives. By even acknowledging the societal conditioning that has shaped our relationship with money, we can begin to dismantle the barriers holding us back from an access card to this world; to look inward and access parts of ourselves we didn’t even know exists.

Want some good news?

Like building muscle and developing a growth mindset, bravery can be acquired. It’s a practice that can be learned.

Something that’s been helpful for me personally is realizing that fear, exhilaration, and anxiety evoke similar body sensations. While my mind differentiates the emotions, my body often experiences them the same way. I’m not prescribing this as a solution to others, but reframing my fear as excitement allows me to feel more brave. To enable my delulu and overcome obstacles that feel impossible. And each time I push past another challenge, my courage only grows while the fear gradually fades.

Another overarching theme to building bravery is exercising risk-taking. Caroline writes a book about it, quite literally on gutsy women. Our fellow resident entrepreneur Mitalee writes about it too on her Substack: “Start small. Maybe you want to redecorate your room or revamp your wardrobe. Make a vision, and follow-through with what feels right to you. You can then take larger risks without feeling like the world might collapse around you.”

This is quite literally why I created this space. It’s a reminder that you have the capacity to be brave. You have the permission to feel scared or [insert any emotion you may feel], but still do it anyways. This is a no judgment zone where we try new things, where we are given the utmost liberty to ponder about questions you’ve never asked yourself about money, and feel safe doing so.

I’ll end on this. I read this quote recently: a bird doesn’t land on a branch trusting that the branch won’t break, but trusting in its ability to fly away. Whether that bird is your daughter, your report, or you, guide them to access that bravery. Maybe that branch will definitely break, but let her come to that conclusion through courage, not fear. I encourage you to land on a breaking branch this weekend, money-related or not, and let me know how that makes you feel.

If you enjoyed reading this, help me spread the word & share with your friends and family :)

until the next 🐝 , and with 💛 ,

Sneha