[Cent #12]: the parallels between athleisure & our relationships with money

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hi lil bees!

Table of Contents

• the parallels between athleisure and our relations …

• the dualism of the fitness and financial industry

• the fine line between financial motivation and sha …

• let’s effectively tow this line

  • part 1 (bonus, it’s free)

  • part 2 (not free, but effective)

• closing thoughts

what’s going on in sneh’s world

• Half marathon COMPLETE: I did it! It was so freaking hard, miles 5 & 10 were not friendly hills. But I beat the time I wanted for myself, and for that, I’m so proud of myself. Even got a bit teary-eyed at the beginning and end of the race.

• Gratitude: So grateful for having my team at work feel like my chosen family. My work bestie was in town for the week and the in-person time was the LITERAL BEST 😭 

• Things I’m thinking about: Sonder. The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own — populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries, and inherited craziness. And all you may ever be in their lives is an extra sipping coffee in the background.

In response to a woman’s sole aspiration is not to be humble, one of you lil bees responded to this with Jia Tolentino’s essay: Athleisure, barre and kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman, how we became suckers for the hard labor of self-optimization (fyi highly recommend reading this piece).

This portion stood out to me particularly.

Not me reading this piece wearing my Lululemon tights reading this piece 🤪 But this sentiment felt oddly familiar, beyond my relationship with athleisure. It reminded me of the fine line we tow between financial shame and motivation. How? Let me break down the parallels.

the parallels between athleisure and our relationship with money

The founder of the company [Lululemon] once said that “certain women” aren’t meant to wear his brand. 

I’m sorry but my instinctual response to this was: ew. Not a fan of brands or anyone dictating what’s the “acceptable” size for a body. Especially when it not only creates but also propagates unreasonable yet aspirational body standards for young women. Lululemon is not the first to express discriminatory thoughts. So has Abercrombie and Fitch. And Victoria’s Secret. And Brandy Melville. Probably more.

Similarly, most prominent investment platforms were not built with women in mind. Historically, the investment industry was designed and run by men. The supposedly “gender-neutral” investment industry defaults to men’s preferences, salaries, career paths, and life spans, which generally looks different from women’s.

Which isn’t surprising to me when investment platforms like Fidelity and Charles Schwab were founded in 1946 and 1971. And it wasn’t until 1974, when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act passed, that women in the U.S. were granted the right to open a bank account on their own (technically, women won the right to open a bank account in the 1960s, but many banks still refused to let women do so without a signature from their husbands. This meant men still held control over women’s access to banking services, and unmarried women were often refused service by financial institutions).

Ok but why are only “certain women” meant to wear Lululemons? Or a certain audience meant to invest on these platforms?

Self-exposure and self-policing meet in a feedback loop. Because these pants only work on a certain body, wearing them reminds you to go out and get that body.

When we wear athleisure, we become aware of our bodies in a specific way. This awareness can lead to a sense of self-scrutiny, as we compare our bodies to the idealized image often associated with such clothing. Introducing the cyclical relationship between self-awareness and self-regulation.

Similarly, this vernacular around women & money exists such that having money or lack thereof is always associated with shame. Shopaholic. Gold diggers. Material girl. Retail therapy.

Women are exposed to this derogatory terminology, either reinforcing their financial shame and deepening their self-talk that they’re bad with money. Or subconsciously affirming their beliefs that femininity and financial freedom cannot co-exist, because women cannot be anything beyond singular beings. So they must tap into their masculinity to speak about money. Because as most conversation exists today, money only exists in a realm of rationality.

Only behind closed doors, hidden by a veil of shame, does money become intertwined with emotions.

the dualism of the fitness and financial industry

Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of working out and fitness. It releases endorphins, builds grit, improves productivity, gets you out of ruts, etc.

But working out with superficial intentions has everlasting consequences, especially when the goal is ephemeral. If you are obsessed about appearance, you can adapt restrictive diets and lose weight quickly, only to gain weight again in a few months from bing eating. You can lose hunger cues. You become obsessed with arriving at a destination rather than the benefits the journey provides.

Similarly, investing and building wealth has so many positives. You can not only take care of yourself but also think beyond self-preservation. You can pursue your own dreams, and you can buy yourself the most expensive thing in your life: time.

But chasing money with the aim to “keep up with the joneses” can create a slippery slope where you become someone others like, more than someone you like.

the fine line between financial motivation and shame

You may say, but Sneha! Self-awareness and regulation is important! I’m trying to motivate someone take charge of their finances. I want them to realize the importance and value of money and not be frivolous with it. I understand, but this is similar to always trying to find a solution when a friend just wants you to listen. There are deep consequences to mistaking motivation to Orwellian “big brother” policing.

One form of policing is shame, the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.

Financial shame is a clear indicator for creating and intensifying more financial hardship. These researchers conduct six studies, and they find consistent evidence for a vicious cycle between shame and financial hardship.

“Shame induces withdrawal, increasing the probability of counterproductive financial decisions that only deepens one’s financial hardship.” Shame helps set a poverty trap by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of financial hardship.

I love data-driven studies, but frankly, I’d believe this result even without research. Consistently shaming someone creates an identity association, making them feel hopeless because they believe that something is inherently wrong with them.

So then, if we know shaming someone financially actually helps no one, how can we create more effective conversation around money?

let’s effectively tow this line

part 1 (bonus, it’s free)

If shaming makes us withdraw, how can we avoid withdrawal? It’s simple, remind yourself and people around you of their positive aspects. Stanford researchers conduct research to show that “self-affirmations reduce defensive processing and self-protective yet counterproductive behaviors… allowing individuals to face threatening information in a constructive way, rather than spend mental energy on avoidance, suppression, and rationalization.”

This exercise does not mean avoiding hard conversations. Instead, it allows us to hold ourselves and others accountable for our actions while avoiding derogatory terminology and softening the blow.

A bonus here is to indulge in this exercise with someone you trust, because shame grows stronger in isolation and shatters in contact with vulnerability.

part 2 (not free, but effective)

Financial therapy! These therapists are specialized in helping people manage both the emotional and practical sides of their money decisions. I got the chance to actually speak with a founder this week working on exactly this problem, so more to come on this soon 👀 

let’s end on some good news

More women are taking control of their finances and investing than ever before, according to Fidelity’s 2024 Women & Investing study. 7 in 10 women own investments in the stock market, an 18% increase from 2023. I’d like to give at least partial if not a lot of credit to companies like Ellevest and Alinea Invest, prioritizing women and Gen-Z financial wellness in the U.S. There is a lot of great work being done to improve inclusivity in the financial sector, despite the financial jargon. Despite the financial shame. Despite the gate-keeping. We are making moves and continue to persist towards equity.

closing thoughts

• 💭 what does financial shame vs. motivation look like to you? how do you balance the slippery slope?

• 💭 how have you felt when someone has financially motivated you vs. shamed you?

• 💭 are there any fintech companies that are helping increase inclusion and representation? Please lmk!

• and generally,

  • 💭 what do you like most about the between the buzz newsletter? have you been enjoying the women & money series?

  • 💭 what are topics you want to hear more about from me?

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until the next 🐝 , and with 💛 ,

Sneha